Failed Resolutions

If your resolutions have already taken a hit in the early stages of 2020, have no fear. A recent study shows 80% of people do not keep their New Year’s resolutions and the majority start to fail as early as January 12th. You are not alone in your failure.

The good news is you don’t have to bask in defeat. Your first resolutions probably weren’t good ones anyway! Here are three very common resolutions, why they are destined to fail and my advice for creating new goals which are much easier to accomplish. This is about being a winner! Let’s win in 2020!*

Bad Resolution #1: Weekly Cold Immersion or Cold Therapy

Proponents of cold showers or various cold therapy remedies will tell you the practice will improve your health, circulation, reduce inflammation, and even kick-start weight loss. The rest of the world will tell you that’s ridiculous. Anyone jumping into a lake during the winter or intentionally taking cold showers shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions in public. Have you ever taken a cold shower? It’s horrible! Who would willingly choose to do that?

Solution: Eat something cold weekly:

Instead of submersing your body under cold water and forcing the cold to fight through layers of skin, muscle and tissue, go directly to the cold source and ingest it instead. Eating ice cream, popsicles or popping a mochi ball will get the cold relief directly into the blood stream and to the parts of the body which need it most. It’s also way more delicious and satisfying than hopping in a lake in the dead of winter.

Bad Resolution #2: Limit your alcohol intake

A common resolution for the New Year, many people swear off alcohol for the entire month of January. Unfortunately, 95% revert back to their ways by January 15th after realizing they still work with the same crazy co-workers, their in-laws are still alive and planned a visit, and Taco Tuesday just doesn’t feel right without a beer. Personally, I’m not sure how I would have survived raising twin newborns without a little scotch occasionally.

Solution: Limit your water intake:

Frankly I’m sick of all these healthy people who brag about their ability to drink 160oz of water a day. News flash – you look like a fool carrying around an old milk jug of water to all your meetings. Nobody needs 160 oz. of water unless you’re a camel. Instead of limiting alcohol, stick it to all the health nerds chugging their H2O and show them just how little water you can drink in a day. They’ll be so impressed by your resolve, you won’t even notice the headaches or early stages of dehydration setting in.

Bad Resolution #3: Spend More Time with Family

Americans are workaholics. The rest of the industrialized world works half the time we do and I’m not convinced we get twice the productivity. All that working often leaves people making sacrifices at home and with family, missing soccer games or meaningful events because they’re stuck with a deadline or mentally incapable of unplugging from the office. While this resolution is well-intentioned, it’s destined to fail each year because work pays the bills. Sure, you could check-out at work and coast, but you’ll eventually get fired and your family won’t be too happy about that, either.

Solution: Get a New Family:

Your family wants to see more of you? Geez, they sound needy. You don’t need a Stage 5 Clinger making you feel bad for working, so do yourself a favor and commit to getting a new family in 2020. My suggestion is to find one which has no emotional connection to you. Your new family won’t care you can’t find a healthy work/life balance and FaceTime allows you to pick from any family across the globe. Don’t limit yourself! Personally, I’m thinking of joining the Rock’s family. He seems very kind, likes tequila, and he could probably help me get rid of this Dad-bod. Dwayne – please stop declining my FaceTime!

That’s all for now! Good luck on your New Resolutions and finding success in 2020!


*Please don’t take my advice on those solutions. They are horrible. Stick to your goals. Commit the time and energy and you can accomplish anything.

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